Building a Working Relationship with Deity
Pictured above: the spiral of an ancient ammonite shell.
By Murphy Robinson | February 2, 2014
Please note: this essay originally appeared in Stepping Into Ourselves: An Anthology of Writings on Priestesses, edited by Anne Key and Candace Kant (Goddess Ink, 2014).
Ask several modern pagans how they definite deity, and you’re likely to get a very wide range of answers. While most pagans agree on the sacred nature of the rhythms and cycles of the Earth, most witches will have a great explanation of why spellwork is a valid practice, and most followers of feminist spirituality will affirm empowerment of the feminine principle as essential to their spiritual viewpoint, all these folks may give very different answers when you ask them what the Goddess actually is. Most (though not all) pagans who utilize the concept of deity in their worldview will identify as polytheistic, but views wildly diverge beyond that. With so many perspectives alive in our community, how do we decide upon or discover our own beliefs about deity? What personal practices can deepen our relationship with and understanding of the gods?
Happily, in thirteen years of priestessing I have never heard a discussion of deity among pagans become heated. I would go as far as to say that I’ve never heard an argument about the nature of deity; at most there has been polite sharing of diverse views. With gratitude for the blessing of tolerance and individuality in our pagan community, let’s examine a few common paradigms of belief.
Deity as Abstract Principle: The “Goddess/God/Universe/All-There-Is” is an abstract, diffuse principle that animates our world. The idea that “all the gods are one god” (famously expressed in Marion Zimmer Bradley’s classic novel The Mists of Avalon) falls into this category as well.
Deity as Archetype: The goddesses and gods are archetypes of the human experience, their mythic stories providing insight and guidance for how to navigate our lives.
Deity as a Product of Belief: What we believe defines the reality of the gods for us. If we believe in or focus on a deity, it becomes real in our lives, but does not necessarily exist for other people. Invoking a deity in ritual or welcoming them more broadly into our lives will invite the energies and influence we associate with it to enter our experience. In essence, the gods are a coalesced form of human consciousness. (Neil Gaiman’s conception of deity in his novel American Gods provides a fun bridge between this paradigm and the next.)
Deities are Real: The gods are independent beings, with their own personalities, agendas, ideas, desires, needs, likes, and dislikes. Many people with this view believe the gods exist on another plane of some sort, but interact directly and indirectly with our world (sometimes using their human priestesses as vehicles through channeling, aspecting, or service work).
Many priestesses move from one deity paradigm to another over the course of their spiritual lives. I have personally progressed through all these paradigms in the order presented. Many priestesses seem to move in this same direction as I have, but it is also possible to skip around and move in different directions, and different paradigms can overlap or co-exist in a person’s mind at times. I place no value judgment on which paradigm is better or more true – those are not the right questions to ask. Each practitioner must find the paradigm that fits them at the current time in their lives. As Diana Paxson suggests in her book Trance-Portation, ask not whether something is true, but rather ask if it is useful. The paradigm that is most useful and productive in your current spiritual work is the one is right for you. Paradigm 1 is common in the New Age community, is fairly compatible with the monotheistic faiths that dominate religious belief in our Western culture, and its adherents may or may not claim the label of pagan or polytheist. Paradigms 2, 3, and 4 represent a continuum of increasing polytheistic faith. Faith is not considered an intrinsic value by most pagans: it is not demanded by our gods, but given freely or perhaps not given, as feels right to the individual practitioner. In our spiritual lives we prioritize personal accountability and joyfulness in this present world, rather than requiring faith in a savior god who will rescue us at the end of our human lives. One can build a satisfying pagan practice without faith, using only a scientific understanding of nature and an intellectual analysis of mythology. You can also choose, as Starhawk advises those first exploring pagan religion, to simply “suspend disbelief” rather than develop faith in the effectiveness of magical spellwork and the reality of polytheistic deities. However, many people have a spiritual craving for something more numinous than these options provide. We want a mystery religion; we want to re-enchant our world. This requires discovering the relationship to faith and belief that helps us achieve our desired experience of the world.
In the modern world, deity is a challenging concept. Popular Western culture takes science as its god, and scoffs at that which cannot be measured and detected on the physical plane. Faith in the Judeo-Christian God is still marginally accepted, grandfathered into the cultural belief system after centuries of dominance in the religious and intellectual thought of the West. Discussions of faith in the context of Christianity are fairly commonplace in the American media and acceptable in many social circles. But turn to a stranger at a party and begin discussing your personal faith relationship with Artemis, Thor, or Sarasvati and reactions of confusion, dismissal, or discomfort are not uncommon (if the person does not just assume you’re joking). And yet, if we wish to re-enchant our world with spirits, elementals, fairies, and gods, we must grapple with the concept of these unseen beings directly. Until we clearly determine our relationship to them, our practice will be plagued by an underlying ambivalence. Just as you can kiss someone you’re not sure if you’re in love with, you can ritually invoke a deity you’re not sure you believe in, but both experiences are far more effective, satisfying, and ecstatic once you’ve figured it out.
One way to explore your own relationship to deity is to work with a god or goddess directly and consistently in your spiritual practice. Regardless of how you define these energies or beings at the outset, you can understand them much more deeply by building a working relationship. As with any relationship, this takes time, effort, and consistency, and the rewards are in direct relationship to the amount of work you put in. You can work on this relationship alone, or with a circle of priestesses or covenmates. Other people’s experiences can enrich and expand our study, and sometimes they can clash with our own observations and make us question the validity of our own experience. Many people find that a combination of solitary work and group work provides the richest results.
Here are some ideas for ways to build your relationship to a deity, loosely organize from easiest to most advanced:
Build an altar dedicated to a specific deity. Use colors and symbols related to their myth. Locate the altar in a place where you will see it every day. Tend your altar daily or weekly, refreshing perishable elements and noticing any changes in it (a statue that falls over, a candle that won’t stay lit, the fact that your cat loves to sleep under it, etc). Sit at your altar on a regular basis and see what comes to you.
Do some academic research. You can start with the internet, but get yourself to a library as well. Read material written by other modern pagans, books and articles written for the academic community, children’s books, fictional re-interpretations of myths, ancient and modern poetry, whatever you can get your hands on. To avoid cultural appropriation, be sure to read as many primary sources as you can, and get the perspective of religious practitioners native to the deity’s cult and culture whenever possible. The literature of archeology and art history can be very useful when the written record is scarce or nonexistent. Always keep in mind the perspective of the writer –some supposedly “primary” sources were written down by Christian evangelists, sometimes centuries after the culture converted to Christianity, so keep a critical eye on what seems intrinsic to the deity’s cult and what may be an overlay added by the writer.
Write songs and prayers to the deity. Sing and speak them at your altar on a regular basis, and at other relevant times throughout your day if it seems appropriate (upon rising in the morning, to bless a meal, to safeguard a journey, to inspire your work, to temper strong emotions, etc).
Draw, paint or sculpt an icon of the deity to place around your home or on your altar.
Meditate on your deity. You can do this at your altar, at an appropriate place in nature, in front of a statue or shrine in a museum, or with a group of like-minded priestesses. You can chant a name or mantra associated with the deity, focus on a visual icon, or sit in silence and see what comes to you.
Engage in conversational prayer with the deity. Tell them your joys and concerns, ask for help solving problems, and don’t forget to listen for an answer. Some people find it helpful to write the dialogue: divide the paper into two columns, write your questions in one column and write the answer that comes to you in the other.
If you are able to trace your family heritage, try building a relationship with a deity from a pantheon that was worshiped in the culture of your blood ancestors. While I believe we can all build a relationship with deities from any culture (as long as we do so respectfully and avoid cultural appropriation), some people discover a particularly powerful connection with the gods of their ancestors.
Begin new projects or learn new skills with the intent to build relationship with your chosen deity. Learn to ski with Skadi, start an academic course of study with Athena or Sarasvati, start a new business venture with Lakshmi and Ganesh, study the runes with Odin, learn blacksmithing with Hephaestus, prepare for childbirth with Nuit. You can consciously dedicate your efforts in service to the deity you’ve chosen, wear a charm related to that deity while you work on the project or skill, and begin and end your work with a prayer of some sort if you wish.
Become a storyteller. Tell the myths and stories of your deity at pagan gatherings, to friends and family, and especially to children.
Make a pilgrimage to a sacred spot associated with your deity. If it is not possible for you to visit a particular sacred well, mountaintop, holy cave, temple, or shrine that was associated with your deity in antiquity, find an appropriate equivalent of that places which is closer to your home and make a pilgrimage there.
Invoke your deity in a group ritual. I don’t recommend that you do this until you’ve put in some significant time building a private relationship with the deity, at minimum doing both some academic research and some meditation on that deity. Create a costume to wear as that deity’s priestess, memorize some poetry, perform a dance or song, do some ritual theater – be creative!
If you have the skills to do trance work (also known as shamanic journeying, pathworking, guided visualization, active imagination, etc.), go on a trance journey to meet your deity and speak with them. If you are new to this work, Diana Paxson’s book Trance-Portation provides a methodical, reliable, and safe way to build your trance skills. It is good protocol to have a relevant question or request for the deity prepared ahead of time, and to make an offering to them in gratitude afterwards (either in the spirit world or the mundane world, or both). Remember that you can negotiate with deities and set boundaries with them if they make demands that you are uncomfortable with. I have personally found this to be the most direct way to communicate with deity, and building a trance practice has radically changed my relationship with the gods, propelling me into literal belief in these beings.
If you have the skills and community support, try aspecting your deity. Aspecting is an advanced priestessing skill in which you create space for the deity to step into your body, speak with your voice, and move with your limbs, thus communicating very directly with other ritual participants. Before you attempt this work, build a strong set of trance and invocation skills, and be sure you have several priestesses present whose only job is to tend to your physical and energetic safety while you are aspecting. Be sure you have cast a strong circle to contain the work and prevent other, less benevolent energy beings from entering in during this very opening and vulnerable work. Ground yourself very thoroughly after the work is done, and have check-ins with your support team for several days afterwards to help you integrate the experience. Occasionally priestesses experience some symptoms of physical illness for a day or so after aspecting, particularly if they were not appropriately prepared for the work or did not ground properly afterwards. Try to build some free time into your schedule for a few days after the aspecting to accommodate physical and spiritual integration.
Whatever paradigm of faith fits you at this time on your spiritual path, the practices I have listed above will help you explore your relationship to the gods and will enrich your practice immensely. Once you have built a strong relationship with one deity, don’t be surprised if others show up in your life looking for some attention too: the gods are drawn to people who are able to engage with them and help them do their work in the world. Enjoy your community of Unseen Ones, but don’t neglect to tend the relationships you have with your friends and family as well – they are just as important! Your deity relationships should enrich your human relationships rather than weaken them, just as having a wide circle of supportive friends strengthens your relationship with a life partner by giving you broad access to support in tough times. At the same time, you may find some of your human relationships changing as you are drawn to spend time with people who support and share your faith paradigm, thus enriching your deity work through the support of human community. Following Apollo’s dictum to “Know Thyself” as a basis for wisdom, we can all enjoy this work of building rich relationships with our gods, and thus understanding our own personal faith more fully. Blessings and good luck to all who embark on this important work!
